I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
