I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
