i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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