we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I could fuck to npr.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
