How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
