i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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