It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
