I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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