i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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