VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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