Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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