even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
