I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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