the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
