Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
