I could have mohawked her pubes.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
