Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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