so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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