You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
