If that was your dad, he is hot
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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