Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
