I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
