Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize