Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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