complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
