So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
