This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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