what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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