11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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