he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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