My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
