Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
