he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
