I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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