im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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