They should really pass out barf bags in church
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
