apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need a beard to bite.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
