i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize