I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
