I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
