That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
