My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
