nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
