I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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