I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
