Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize