i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize