I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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