Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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