hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
