I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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