I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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