I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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