Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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