i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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