I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
