I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
