I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize