I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
