Life is so much better after having sex.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
