did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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