I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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