but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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