i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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