i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
There's even glitter on my cock...
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