She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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