soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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