Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
