i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize