the new term for farting is butt boxing.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
