ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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