My liver just broke up with me...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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