Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
