Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
