better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
