i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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