I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize