Your mouth is God's brothel.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
