I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
