we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
