Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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