Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
