I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
