I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
