All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
