I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
