Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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