So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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