he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
